scsunshine40

It’s been 1 year since I lost 40 lbs…. I’ve gained it all back and feel horrible. When I was holding myself accountable for the food intake with the food diary, and was walking my 5 miles a day I was REALLY making strides. I started a new job last February and got into the old habits of eating out and not making time for my daily walk, therefore, I gained the weight back.

So here I go again but this time I’m doing my best to bring my family along for the ride. All of us with the exception of my 7 year old are over weight. More than ever I need to lose this weight because we as a family are not healthy. Even my husband is noticing that we all need to do it. He is having trouble with sleep apnea, I can barely tie my shoes or walk any distance without panting for breath, and my 16 year old is devastated that her age matches her pant size. I may not be able to get them to join the community here, but I can sure encourage them and help them along to make better and healthier decisions. Wish me Luck cause I live with a bunch of couch potatoes! It feels good to be back.

Ok. I’ve been away for a while and boy does it show. Geeesh! I’ve gained back all but 15lbs in the last 6 months. I’ve been on the yoyo dieting roller coaster so many times and just feel sometimes like “oh well, i’ll give up, it’s useless”, but I keep plugging away at it.
I have been so ashamed of myself the past 6 months. I finally got a job and was driving about 45 minutes away to get to work and ran into an old friend, The Driving Through. Each time I’d go through I’d think to myself… I don’t need to do this, and then in just a few minutes I had downed a couple of breakfast biscuits and a large sweet tea, or a couple of Big Macs and Large fries, stop and grab a candy bar…. then on the way home I dump the trash so no one would see my secret. Once home I’d go inside to prepare dinner as if I hadn’t had a thing to eat all day.  I’m tired of feeling ashamed and out of control.
Well the lady I was taking care of passed away a few weeks back and I’m once again unemployed. So here I go again, but this time my 15 year old daughter has decided to take the journey with me. We worked out together last night and packed our lunches and snacks for today. She is going through a difficult time now as well. She is a 10th grader now and is overweight by about 50 pounds. She also lost her dad over the summer (he had a heart attack) so she has a lot of emotional pain right now. I’m sure that we will get through this together and I have assured her of this.
So today I recommit myself to excercising and eating healthily. Today I start changing those habits that make me feel like I have a “dirty little secret”. Today I reclaim my control and my power to bring my body back to the way God intended. Today I have inspiration. Most of all, today I end the shame I feel about myself.

Finally!! Some normalcy to my home. Woohoo! My last post a month ago I was telling everyone about someone that was making my home a miserable place to be. Well he is finally gone and the stress has been lifted. I feel like shouting from the rooftops.

I’m attempting to get back on track now and of course it is hard with the holiday’s but I know it can be done. I was thinking this morning about my weight and how far I came in such a short time…. 36 pounds in 3 months…. that is no small feat. So I said to myself…. “Self, we have got to get back to the excercise and back to the program.” Then myself said to me…. “Well, what are you waiting on? I’ve been here the whole time waiting on you to get off your butt and do something.” Sooooo, in just a few minutes my self and I along with our friend Mr. Gluteus Maximus are going outside where it is around the 40 degree mark and we are going to restack some wood that has fallen over and we are going to go for my walk that we enjoy so immensely. :)  Eventually when all is said and done… I will see less of my droopy friend Gluteus Maximus.

Ya’ll have a wonderful day and get out and do something with Mr. Maximus today!

I’m back in the game and getting ready for a home run. I kinda dropped out of sight for a few weeks because… well, I have been totally stressed out and depressed for about a month. With no job prospects, almost losing my home and a freeloader living in the house (soon to be on the street) I have had it. I’m sooooo tired of being nice and trying to not lose it, but I have had enough! Does anyone else out there find themselves trying to do the right thing only to get crapped on time and time again? I mean really….. My husband and I have been trying to help one of our church members out but he seems to be content being a leech. He was supposed to be here 2 weeks and now it’s been 3 months. The sad part is that he has a 4 year old and if we kick dad out we kick him out as well. I think dad is banking on that fact as well. Talk about emotional black mail…. he lets everyone know that he’s a single dad and plays on that fact to get what he wants at the moment. Everything that goes wrong in his life is someone elses fault to hear him tell it. I almost feel like I’m dealing with a sociopath. It’s horrible to feel this way about one of my church family and I really am at my wits end. So that’s what I’m contending with.

On a “lighter” note, even with all the chaos, I’ve been blessed with a 2 lb weight loss. Yippie! I got on the scales this morning (haven’t done that in 2 weeks) and I had lost another 2 lbs even though I’ve been so stressed. So, tomorrow I’m back in the swing of things chaos or not because I have a mission and a goal to get this weight off. 1 more lb and I’ll be at my mini-goal. Who knows maybe by weeks end I’ll be rid of 210lbs of detached lard as well. lol
Ya’ll have a great night and thanks for letting me vent… I feel much better now.

aspr

So Saturday I was doing the usual scrubbing of the gook from the floors… you know, the sticky kool-aid and sodas the kids spilled, and various other unidentified spots when my husband came in and said those four little words “Cub scouts selling candy!” Right here I should say I said ”Tell them we gave at the office.” Well, that didn’t happen. I walked outside and there are these two absolutely adorable boys (one was only 6) on my front porch donning their crisp clean uniforms. I AM a sucker for a guy in uniform, a total weakness on my part. 

Anyway, I start looking at the various goodies (evil) they are peddling and the whole time I’m thinking “Just walk away!” “No good can come from this!” Well $20 later I walk in with my prize. A can filled with about 1lb of trail mix. Nuts, Raisins, dried cranberries, and M&M’s…… A treasure trove of pleasure. So the kids are all over it like flies on roadkill before I had a chance to dig my hand in it. Later that afternoon I go into the kitchen and open the wonderful little can, stick my hand in and their is only a handful left (mostly nuts). I pop a few in my mouth and close the lid and whisper a prayer of thanks that it didn’t hang around the house for too long. I did tell my loving hubby that evening that if he ever came and got me from my duties again for candy that he would find himself sleeping on the porch. lol  I’m just glad that there wasn’t anymore sabotage to my waist line than that.

Remember if those cute smiling faces with their finely pressed uniforms come knocking on your door - stay strong! They have evil in a can! Now if you’ll excuse me I have something ooozie to clean in the kitchen.

Please be on the look out for these suspects!

Ya’ll  have a great day!

I have been pondering lately about entering a marathon. I want to prove to myself that I can do it. I keep walking every morning and see people out running  and think… some day I want to do that. Well, I decided this morning that someday is today. So I walked a little bit and I jogged a little bit alternating for an hour. It felt like my heart was going to pound out of my chest but I made it through and I can’t express how proud I am that I was able to do it.  My goal is to train and eventually enter a marathon. For now I’ll just woggle along and see where it takes me.

I’m not quite sure what to do with myself. Last week we were in Charleston, SC for the Scottish Games, this week we are in Myrtle Beach,SC for the Fraternal Order of Police Conference. Boy I’m getting spoiled! I truly am at peace when I’m near the ocean. Just the shear lull of the surf pounding, the scent of salt in the air, and the sight of the seagulls gracefully soaring through the air makes my senses reel. The past two weeks have been lots of fun and believe it or not I have excercised more these two “vacations” than I ever have. I’ve been eating breakfast and doing my 5 mile walk(can you believe my 5 year old did it this morning). After our walk my son and I headed to the pool while his dad is in his meetings for the day.

Now I’ve indulged a few times but I haven’t over done it. Like last night at the banquet. I had two servings of the steamed veggies, 1 small slice of roast and 1 piece of chicken parmesean (no pasta). They had mashed potatoes, rice, and bread but I didn’t have any of those. Used to I’d have one of everything. Then….. the dessert….. omg! A fabulous piece of turtle pecan pie which I graciously shared with my 5 year old cause neither one of us needed a whole piece. lol.  Tonight is our last night here and we have tickets for what else  but an all u CARE to eat buffet.  Funny how they changed it to “all you care to eat ” instead of “all you can eat”. Does the wording really matter… after all it all comes down to choices and accountablility. I plan on having a light salad, boiled or grilled shrimp, and steamed veggies if they have them. Hopefully when it comes weigh in time on Monday I’ll have done myself justice this week and be a few pounds lighter.

Tomorrow we are taking Brenny to the Aquarium. I can’t wait to see his reaction to all of the fish swimming over his head.

Well it’s time for lunch. Gotta go find some grubb. You all have a great rest of the weekend.

I write this on my own blog because I feel that I need to say a few things in regards to the religion and Buddyslim discussion but I’ll refrain from putting it on anyone else’s blog to keep there from being any tension or accusations of my “preaching” or “Bible thumping”.

I have read some posts lately that are asking why we “Christian’s” feel the need to bring our religion to the Buddyslim site. Well in rebuttal to that I have to say that #1 my faith is not pocket Jesus that I pull out on occasion. My faith is very important to me just as anyone else’s is to them. I live it day to day the best that I can just as I have to eat, sleep, and breathe. Is it personal? Yes! It is also a huge part of what I think, say and do in this life everyday not just on holidays, Sunday’s and Wednesday’s. My “religion” has helped me with my weight loss just as much as counting calories and excercising.  I have lost 14 lbs since beginning on this site and I could not have done it without my faith. Isn’t that what we are supposed to be doing? Aren’t we supposed to be taking care of ourselves physically, mentally and spiritually?

This is not to start drama on the site, Lord knows there has been enough of that on here. It’s more to give an insight as to why I myself (as I don’t speak for all Christians) bring my religion to this sight. No apologies for my use of Jesus, my faith, or my Christianity. I would just as soon leave here as to give up my being able to FREELY express myself with who I am and what I believe. This is supposed to be a safe haven where we are able to do that. If I were to go on a blog where a person was stating their sexual preference and told them that they should keep that information to themselves, and that it’s their private business then isn’t that the same thing that’s happening here? For me, that is not a lifestyle I would choose, but do I have the right to go on a blog and tell them that? No, I do not. I give them all the love and support that I can because we are all here for the same purpose, to encourage and uplift them and to keep them from giving up on their weight loss goals, not put them down for what their personal beliefs are.

Ok, I got that off my chest. Thanks for reading my thoughts on the subject now let’s get back to the task at hand….. Shuck those pounds folks!!!!!!! Good luck to all Christians and non-christians.

I have been walking as my excercise of choice for the past 2 months. When I started I was 308lbs and got winded just going up the steps in our home. Now I am up to 5 miles a day and it’s “no sweat” so to speak. I can’t begin to tell you how much better I feel and my confidence has shot out the roof.

Tuesday I realized that I have not rewarded myself for all the miles I have put on my feet the past few months. Normally I reward myself with food, but this time I decided to do something better for me. I got myself a new pair of walking shoes.  I usually have to find a 10 1/2 wide but this time I had to get a 10 wide. Has anyone lost weight in their feet? Oh my gosh, I was soooooo happy. 

So I got home and was going through my winter clothes because it seems that summer has faded fast around here. Looking through one box I found two pair of jeans and one pair of capris I have not been able to wear in over 2 years. The first pair of jeans was a 24 and they fit perfect! The other pair are 22’s and are snug, but I feel like I’ll be in them in no time. The capris are 24’s and I have never worn them….and they fit perfectly now. Yippie!!!!! I am so stoked right now.

Hubby and I are leaving for a Fraternal Order of Police Conference at Myrtle Beach, SC in a little while. I can’t help thinking that this year I may not be in a bathing suit, but next year…. oh my gosh! I will reward myself with not only a new bathing suit, but a whole new wardrobe. :) This week the hotel where we are staying has wireless connections so I’ll be able to keep in touch with you guys. Take care and I’ll stop in later tonight. 

I just had the most amazing thing happen. I was in the Biggest Loser forum typing about my before pics for the challenge and was given the most wonderful gift from God. I realized that a lot of my problems with my weight are because I fail to finish projects, not because they are too hard, but because I’m scared to finish them. I can’t tell you why, but I intend to explore this.

 When I was in high school I was the typical teenage girl. I loved doing make-up and hair. In my junior year I signed up for cosmetology class and passed the state test my senior year. I worked in a salon for 3 months and quit. I worked at wal-mart the next 5 years and up until almost 9 years ago I was from job to job, all over the map.  I was a wife, and stay at home mom of 2 daughters until my ex husband decided he needed to “find himself” so he found himself at a lawyers office and filed for divorce and remarried within a month. Meanwhile, I figured I’ll go back to work at wal-mart and go back to school to be a social worker. I worked at wal-mart for 1 year and a half until a better opportunity came along. At the same time I took two classes and quit college, after making excuses for myself that I didn’t need a full fledged degree to do the job I was doing (only 12 semester hours and 2 activity courses). During all of this time I just kept gaining weight. I blamed it on my being too lazy to excercise and having children. So , I worked for a nursing home for 5 years as an activities director (lol the irony) and absolutely loved the job. I love working with the elderly - they have seen so many things in their lifetimes. Anyway, I am 6 college credits away from being nationally certified and I stopped taking the classes. Stopped going to the workshops and never renewed my membership the the state organization for fellow activity directors.

I guess what it all boils down to is that I need to make some major decisions not only about my food intake and my excercise program, but also about how to overcome being afraid to fail. I’ll be exploring this a bit more over the next few weeks and post some goals and some other things that will assist me in this journey of self discovery.

Take care everyone….. go out and face something that you are afraid of today!